Hello,
Something strange and unfortunately familiar happened today. Something or I should say someone returned to my life from the past. There are many different kinds of bullies. They come in all shapes, genders, forms and ages. They can even come from your distant past before your existence in this life, from a past incarnation.
I believe I have talked about the smoking ghost who came to frighten me and emerged from my closet at the bottom of my bed one night to scare me. Well he came back today. He had been here for a while but quite clearly my subconscious had chosen to ignore his presence, something it has done before. Perhaps I refuse to believe he is there or I choose to ignore him in the hope if I do he will just go away. Maybe I am too frightened at times to acknowledge he is stalking me. I don't know. But the realisation to his presence comes sudden and quick.
When he is here my mood is low. I am angry, furious would be a better way to describe the intense level of irritation at the way everything around me starts to go wrong. My life falls apart and despair, anxiety, loneliness and extreme hurt take over. I can barely function. My world stops and I sink down in to a dark pit. Something every dark negative spirit loves to play with and feed off.
James Hendrick was a man I was forced to marry against my will in Wisconsin in the US during the late 1800s. He used to beat and rape me as Sarah Elliott before murdering myself and my unborn child through stabbing me while I hung from a tree. Nathan and my MIBs helped me to remember this past life. I wasn't sure why at the time. It isn't something you want to ever revisit. However, I have always been led to believe my life purpose is to write and produce books and they wanted me to write about it. I was led to believe or maybe I chose to believe that my MIBs had pretended James Hendrick was there in my home to help me write the story. However, I think that although this did happen to some extent for some bizarre reason, I believe I have been in denial and this would explain my confusion with the whole scenario. I didn't want to know he was there for real at times. Even now, I am still trying to clear my mind on what exactly did happen.
I won't go in to the full story of what occurred a few years ago when this spirit first visited me, you can read part of it on old posts and it will be detailed in my new book, The Man In Black.
I did write a book about all of the past life. It was released as a work of fiction but there is nothing fiction about it. I have attached the cover for this book to this post. If you are interested in reading it you can check it out on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk and read about my principal guide and Twin Flame's involvement in this cruel past life.
Anyway, I originally called the book Forget Me Nots but I was asked to change it by the publisher because there was apparently too many books out there called by that name. The reason I wanted to call the novel, Forget Me Nots was because of the connection to Nathan and the Victorian era.
When meditating I used to find myself on a beach. I talked about this in my last post. Nathan would be there waiting for me. At this point I was not sure of exactly who he was to me only that there appeared to be a romantic connection. In one meditation he held my hand as we walked along the beach and led me to a large grassy slope at the bottom. We climbed up it and once we reached the top I saw that the grass was covered with small blue flowers, Forget Me Nots.
When I did some research on the symbolism of the flowers, I discovered that the Victorians used them to demonstrate enduring love to their wife, husband or lover, a love that was eternal and that would transcend death and beyond. Nathan wanted me to remember our eternal love as souls and twin flames. But I didn't understand how painful that would be or just how much more to it there was than writing a book about it. I thought by writing the novel after James Hendrick's first visit in to my life to terrorise me like an episode of Paranormal Witness, I would banish his ghost. How wrong I was! I was about to realise far from just being a remembrance that my MIBs had cooked up between them, he was real, very real.
I want to talk about this because it directly links to some of the experiences I have been detailing on other posts. When I woke early this morning, briefly the image of a robin flashed inside my mind. I was immediately on a mild level of alert. My MIBS will often show the image of one of them or the real thing will appear and I know it is a warning for something that is about to happen. At the same time a song rang out in my head. It was Katy Perry's Power from her new album which is about a powerful woman determined not to be kept down anymore. But I was tired and I went back to sleep.
When I eventually got up I went to the bathroom I was dismayed to hear the lift outside of the flat make its strange eerie clunking noise and the lights flashed. Another warning! If you haven't read about the haunted lift in my apartment building then check it out on a previous post.
Luckily the noise occurred only once. It made me think of further warnings I had received to his presence that I had been ignoring, perhaps even blaming on other things. There has been a strong smell of cigarette smoke following me around wherever I go. By the way, I don't smoke and I never have in case you are wondering. There have been lots of references to it such as when I read something about the X-files - one of my fave programmes. It talked about the dark character, the Smoking Man. It was all there I just wasn't picking up the call.
What is the relevance to the smoking thing? Well, when James Hendrick first appeared to me back in 2014 or should I saw came out of the shadows in my life and showed himself, he was dressed as he was in that past life, as a cowboy smoking a cigarette dropping ash on my carpet. In fact one of my MIBs called him the gunslinger. He used to put his cigarettes out on me when I was his wife Sarah Elliott.
Nathan and my MIBs are protective of me to the point of being overbearing, so why has been getting in to my home if security is so tight? I believe they allow him in or they just can't stop him. I guess there is some lesson to be learnt from this experience. He is a reminder of something he helped to create, the inception of an idea he assisted me in festering and growing, self hate and loathing. As long as I continue to feel no value for myself, no love, feel distrust of most men and I believe myself unworthy of love, James Hendrick will be able to maintain his reign of terror. He will lurk in the shadows of my room at night, masquerading as Nathan causing us to separate when I become angry and mistrustful because of the confusion, torturing me with noise, fear and his image. He will be able to feed off my energy like a vampire. I have to stand up to my bully.
When denial becomes impossible and I finally acknowledge he is there, my eyes home in on him and he can hide no longer. That is when the fun starts and I start shouting at him and ordering him out of my home. I am not frightened of him of him now. Anger has taken over and is channelled in to making me feel strong for the battle. The more I challenge him the more his outline fades. He will stand there and laugh occasionally and sometimes aims a gun at me. That is when I laugh at him. This time as I stood up to him I could feel my MIBs standing next to me and someone else around me.
It was a part of my soul from the past. Sarah Elliott with her long black hair and the black Victorian dress she always wears when I see her came to stand within me to give me strength and courage. I have seen her physically and in my mind's eye walking around for a long time and she often appears in my meditations taking me to another dimension.
I see spirits, I feel, sense and smell them as well but when you see a part of your own soul from a past life walking around it is a whole different existential ball game! Yet I feel stronger when she is there. She is angry and wants justice.
Did I somehow summon her from the past unawares? Did she come of her own free will to remind me of what I need to learn in this life that I didn't in hers? Maybe this is the message my higher self wants me to learn. Is this my dark night of the soul I must endure before my spiritual awakening is complete? So many questions. All I know is that once more I ordered my Nemesis out of my home and became victorious liberating myself from pain and sorrow to embrace a clear mind. But will I be able to keep him out and learn the lesson?
Do you believe parts of your soul from the past, present and future can co-exist in form and run around giving you messages to prompt life changes and more? It makes me wonder if others see Sarah. They are always calling me Sarah instead of Sara. It seems even my name is a reminder!
I was recently talking to a friend about ghosts. She told me that her mother had woken up in the middle of the night to see her daughter, my friend running around the room as a seven year old when she was asleep in another room as a nineteen year old!
One of my MIBs, an older man with glasses has approached me several times in the last couple of days after I got back in to watching the X-files again. He told me I was an X-file. An unsolvable mystery? Hell yeah! Or does he mean I am an alien? :). Who knows! Lol.
Have a good week and remember, don't have nightmares!
Sara
P.S. If you are experiencing depression and anxiety or you want to know more about spiritual awakening, the dark night of the soul, starseeds and more spiritual topics to help you on your spiritual journey, check out my favourite YouTube channels that have helped me below:-
Spiritual Awakening
Richard Ilesley
Victor Oddo
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