Read my book on my ghostly experiences with my Man In Black Spirt & MIB guides before my interview in the July issue of bestselling UK magazine Spirit & Destiny in their July issue.
Hello,
I made a decision yesterday. I will never visit another Spiritual Medium for a tarot reading or anything else. Yesterday I went to see a woman who has been giving me readings for years. Why when I can do my own readings? Well, it is simple. I just don't trust my own judgement or think I am good enough to make my own on just about anything so I have to keep asking other people for their opinions before I do anything! It is very frustrating.
I went to this woman because I believed she was talking to my MIB Guides, especially Nathan even though I knew most of the time she was reading me, not always gaining information from him or my other guides. It often felt like she was reading my thoughts rather than anything else. But the main reason I went is because Nathan used to send me when we argued like an old married couple and I would never believe or accept anything he said. After all, why would he bother helping someone like me? There had to be a catch!
Anyway, she would often say things like, "he is being quiet today," as though Nathan was not giving her any information and she couldn't give me many answers. She also asked me a lot of questions, something a real Medium wouldn't do or need to. But I ignored it. All I knew in my depression throughout the divorce, losing my home and my whole way of life changing was that she made me feel better and more hopeful for the future by confirming everything Nathan had told me even if it all didn't transpire in the end. So I continued to go even though the feeling of doubt grew stronger. I even wanted to go in to business with this woman when the house sold and I received my money - funny nothing ever came of it and I am glad now. Our ideas of what we wanted changed but I don't think she was too happy when I distanced myself a little believing it was never going to happen.
Before going for the reading in the morning, I met with a friend for breakfast in that old world restaurant in the town that houses two Puritan girl ghosts and a very dark man I have now noticed who usually shout abuse at me when I pass or go in. Luckily we sat in the garden in the lovely sunshine and I wasn't bothered by them too much. One of them stuck her tongue out at me when I left but at least I didn't hear any chants of witch this time! My friend and I will often exchange messages from each other's guides while chatting. She told me that Nathan and the rest of my MIBs were telling her that they couldn't understand why I was still angry at the Universe for everything that had happened to me with the divorce. I was now on the right path running my own new company, yet still I raged. They informed her I was like a baby in a pram who had thrown her toys out! They kept putting them back in and she could see the old 19th century pram they referred to. Cheeky gits!
It did make me smile though because just the night before I could see them standing in my living room with a large old fashioned pram. Nathan held a baby over his shoulder and he pointed at me then the baby to indicate the child represented me. He then put the baby in the pram and rocked it to soothe the distressed infant! This is something he and the others do when I feel angry or hurt by something I perceive they have had a hand in when it is just the way my life has been going or things other people have done to me. She also told me that I had done enough with the company and I should relax for a while. It would be successful.
This was a complete contrast to the reading I received later on in the afternoon! Without going in to too much detail it was negative and brought my fragile mood and self esteem I have been trying so hard to rebuild to the ground. Everything was bleak, my company was not working and I needed to change to something else and maybe end it! She also brought up the fact that Nathan had been telling me through her for a long time that things would be better once I got my divorce, even moving in to a new big house with a bestselling book and none of this had occurred. She now believed he was a ghost who had been with me all of my lives here and he had never walked the earth. He didn't understand that I needed earthly things to survive and was basically naive and a child. Then the piece de resistance, when I asked her how Nathan showed himself to her she provided a picture of him that greatly surprised me.
She described him as quite small, dark with a pot belly. Lol. Completely different to the handsome dark haired man he had shown me at different ages including a 14 year old boy from the nineteenth century and the 1920s. I was shocked. My friends and other Mediums have seen him and they always confirmed the image I was shown.
The whole time she changed what she was saying and turned everything around when I challenged her. She was desperate and was clearly reading my own negativity rather than receiving messages. I suddenly realised I had been played. Devastated and unable to trust either her or Nathan I came out feeling so down I thought I might self destruct. This was all I needed.
All that went through my mind was the episode Camille from my favourite UK comedy space series, Red Dwarf. You know the one where the crew rescue a woman from a ship and each other see her as a completely different kind of woman - their perfect kind! It takes them a while to realise they are being played and she is forced to reveal her true self as a Pleasure Gelf being, engineered to be viewed as any man's idea of a perfect woman. Is that what Nathan had been doing to me? If so, was this to help inspire me to write romance books? Lol. But there is worse to come. When the Pleasure Gelf revealed herself, she was a huge gelatinous green alien blob with one big eye on a stalk! Lol. Is Nathan, really an alien green blob? Lol. The deceit!!
And am I a shallow person who couldn't bear to have a twin flame looking like Mr Blobby? Lol. I do vaguely remember him showing me as a not so good looking man with a belly once when I complained about feeling old and fat and not good enough to be seen with someone like him. I thought this was to make me feel better and smile. Lol.
The confusion and sense of betrayal he has created in my mind which still has me guessing as to his true image has caused a lot of hurt but it has exposed all the trust issues I need to deal with as well as all the people who have been taking advantage of me recently. And there are a lot. I had to go out while I was in the middle of writing this post and something else happened. I was treated badly once more by people I thought would take care of me at the hair salon of all places while having my hair coloured after going there for a long time and spending a lot of money.
As I walked home disappointed thinking of everything that had happened to me recently and last year I vowed never to go back. It felt like the shallowness of the whole world had been exposed. I am no one special or better and occasionally I get it wrong like everyone else but I would like to think I treat people well. It was a strange feeling, as though I was apart from it, a stranger. I could see why I hadn't been treated well and the thought process behind it all. I have been becoming more and more empathetic of late to the point it is crushing me a lot and the ability to see right through people to their thoughts when they are lying and see their hidden agendas is getting stronger. It only serves to make me feel like an alien. I have no doubts now that I more than likely a Starseed. I just don't get this place and hell yeah, beam me up Scottie. I want to go home! :). Can you relate to this experience?
I am not saying all Mediums or Tarot Readers are like this lady but I do believe it is time we all started relying on our own intuition and psychic abilities. After all we all have them.
I am still not acknowledging Nathan's presence or anything he has to say to me at the minute. He has tried to convince me he appears exactly as he is and to be fair the image she recounted more importantly did not feel like the truth to me. Also, that night my company started to get sales after just a week and a half when all reports say it often takes months and I woke up the next day feeling very different about myself, my work and my future. No more would I not trust myself. I would believe in myself and I was going to be successful. I deserved to be.
A friend a long time ago told me that spirit Guides will often send you to other Mediums to show you how much better you are than them and how much confidence you should have. I don't believe for one minute I am better than other Mediums or anything like that but I believe I was taught a very important lesson in trusting myself. Nathan has always said when I am in doubt even of him at times, I should always trust what my own intuition is telling me and forget everyone else including him.
Also, not everything you are told will transpire. You can change your path or sometimes it just can't be arranged. Maybe a lesson has to be learnt first. Now I know I will move forward with faith and get everything I need and want to do it!
I would love to know your thoughts on this!
Before I go I want to quickly tell you about part of another weird meditation come vision I had that only strengthens my feelings about being a Starseed again. I found myself up in space once more, hovering over the earth before I flew fast in to a futuristic tunnel made up of lines of light. I am always entering a tunnel and travelling along it to reach somewhere else but I don't always arrive at the destination.
This tunnel disappeared and I found myself looking at an outline, almost like a blueprint of a spacecraft. I sat in the lines marking the pilot's seat but it did not form in to a solid shape. When my vision started to come to an end and I left it to come back to earth through a door back in to my room where I lay and join my body again ( I always know some part of me has actually travelled somewhere when I see these visions and I always come back), Nathan, who was standing at the bottom of the bed held the blueprint for the spacecraft. He quickly rolled it up and inserted it in to a tube marked Top Secret. I have not seen it again. Work that one out! :). Any thoughts, let me know.
Join me next time when I tell you about the pyramids I have been seeing in meditations and the disembodied eye that floats like the Eye of Horus around my room in the middle of the night when I wake!
Remember, don't have nightmares!
Sara
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