Hello,
After spending the morning bitching and moaning at life, the Universe, my web designer and anything that moves because of more teething problems setting up my publishing website, I was treated to a spectacular meditation which I will go in to on my post tomorrow. I am now going to do one every day! But before I go in to it, I need to explain the run up to it.
For a couple of days I have been stressed out setting my publishing company website up. There has been one problem after another and I have gotten to the point a few times where I am ready to just walk away and say stuff it. I keep thinking my MIBs could be more helpful. The closer I get to its completion another obstacle always arises. I know it is part of the process but I have been waiting a very long time to do this and I just think they could have made it a touch easier after all the hell I have gone through with the divorce and having to move out of my home. It led me to feel fed up with my MIBs and my principal MIB and Twin Flame in spirit, Nathan.
I told them to slink their hook, as they say and I blocked them out not wanting to deal with them or Nathan as my Twin Flame ever again. Like that was going to work! Another old chestnut argument between Nathan and I erupted once more on top of everything else. Silly really but it is over an issue that Nathan takes very seriously and perhaps it is something I just can't accept because I don't love myself as I should. Let me explain.
When Nathan first announced his arrival to me and showed himself, he was wearing a wedding ring. I came to learn that it was what I thought and it was to signify he was married to me. As I have said before, he never allowed me to know of his presence until my marriage was over. Far from suddenly believing I was going to be gaining independence and freedom again, I was and still am reminded that I belong to him and he to me in the deepest sense because we both part of one soul, hence the term Twin Flames.
Nathan will show me his hand and his wedding finger with the gold band around it and move it up and down. I was even directed to buy a ring that I wear on my wedding finger to signify my connection to him. I find it quite amusing that when I happen to glance in the direction of an attractive man he will stand between the man and myself allowing me to both physically see his presence and in my mind's eye while he indicates I am a married woman. Lol. Being in spirit appears to make no difference for him!
He repeats the performance if I get attention from any man and become flattered by it or if I want to try and take it further. Useless really, I know I couldn't. Nathan will once again remind me of his presence by making his image physically and mentally strong. I keep asking him, how the hell is it going to work as a relationship? And shouldn't he love me enough to let me find happiness in another relationship? But like I say, I know I can't and if the truth were known, I don't really want to. Try convincing your friends of that! If you want to be alone you can be. There is no rule to say you have to trail the world getting stressed out looking for a companion the minute you lose one like my ex husband did. Besides you are never truly alone. Read my previous post on the myth of loneliness.
Anyway, after blocking my MIBs out, I went to bed after my argument and asked the universe for a man with flesh on him to come in to my life! LOL. Sometimes, I wonder if I do it just to piss Nathan off and get some revenge for him telling me what to do all the time in his guidance. I don't like to be told what to do all the time :). When I woke up the next morning, Nathan was standing next to my bed holding, wait for it . . . a male blow up doll! Git! He wasn't the only one, the rest of them were as well. The inference was that I had to make do with one! Then to rub salt in to the wound with Nathan's biting sarcasm, he showed me a scene from one of my favourite movies, Vampires Suck, a comedy take off of the movie Twilight. I clearly saw the scene when the father shows the pretend Bella her room and tells her he has left it just the way it was when she was a child. All of her dolls are there but she does not recognise one of them. It is a blow up doll! He tells her it got lonely when her mother left. LMAO.
When I was first getting to know Nathan and I did Reiki I & II with one of my Spiritual Medium friends. I remember her saying that she had just seen Nathan and that she wouldn't mind a piece of that, inferring he was good looking. He is. One friend who isn't particularly spiritual and out of many others who have seen him, told me he reminded her of the actor Richard Armitage! He wishes!! Lol. He is in the words of Zoolander, really really good looking! Maybe I don't believe I am worthy of deserving someone like him who cares so much for me and faithfully stands by my side no matter what or how many times I try to push him away. It must have been hard seeing me married to someone else. I should forgive him. :)
Remember we are all worthy of having a wonderful partner however they present themselves. And if you choose to be alone, that is ok too. Anyway, no one is ever truly alone! Open your eyes and see who is standing by your side in spirit. You might just get a wonderful surprise.
See you tomorrow. Remember, no nightmares just pleasant dreams! :)
Sara
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